Archive for January, 2011

Angry, Young and Poor – also a no-show

Posted in In-char on January 28, 2011 by DosTuMai

I glance at my chron. Only a few hours until the war goes live, I think to myself as I start organising a few last minute stock-ups for the staging area.

All members of my Corp sat on standby. Capsuleers, crew and general camp followers sitting around, awaiting the scramble order.

We wait.

And wait.

Yet nothing. The last 24 hours of feverish activity wasted, when we could’ve taken our time, my impatience for the Corporation to begin their hostilities. As I begin to compose a message, my NeoComm lights up, “hey, fat-ass.”

“Where in the name of the Gods are you?” I demand, “and for that matter, how much have you drunk?” The sound mutes for a moment, then, “nommush. So, whattaya doin’? I gots a message ’bout a war. You stompin’ the bastards yet?” Mei asks, her words slurred and barely understandable. Allowing as much irritation into my voice as I could project, I tap my nails on the desk, speaking slowly. “The simple-minded offspring of a fedo hasn’t shown up. You still haven’t ans~”

“I’m in Thukker space. Found summun’ intrestin’ ta drunk wiff,” she replies over loud, obviously in some dive flexing her muscles and flashing her breasts at everyone. I end the call and begin pacing the office feeling impatient.

Some hours later, I hear a knock at my door, “go get some sleep, Dossie. We’ll keep watch and inform you as soon as anything happens.”

I begin to protest then stop myself. “Okay, thanks,” I say out loud then retire to bed, eventually drifting off to a fitful, sleep.

Advertisements

Angry, Young and poor – also foolish

Posted in In-char on January 26, 2011 by DosTuMai

The blood was up as the Sansha invaded the Algintal constellation.

As soon as I’d woken up, I had several messages. All from industrialists asking for escorts to and from the area.

Of course, my Corp doesn’t work cheap.

After a few hours mindlessly following industrials around, I decided to call it a day and discharged the fleet to their own devices. Nothing was attacking the convoys making it the typically dull escort duty. We’d gotten dressed up for nothing.

A few moments later, I dock my Nemesis-class Stealth Bomber in the Thukker Mix station, M-M3B, heading straight for the Broken Piano.

Idly draping my las-carbine and twinned blades on a security drone, I head into the bar, spotting a vaguely familiar face – an Amarr gentleman – and a new one – a Minmatar female.

This pair was somewhat animated in their discussion, switching from the Amarr and Matari language.

As I hopped onto the bar and unzipped my flack jacket with a happy sigh, I continued to listen.

“So I see you can be found in different places… Guess it’s not that easy to get rid of you.” Said the Amarr gentleman. A mental prod with my implant telling me the man’s name is Leopold. The Minmatar woman smirks a little, obviously finding Leopold’s statement comical as she responds in her native tongue, “no, it isn’t easy to get rid of me.”

Leopold chuckles, seeming a little hesitant in his answer. “Like some other things… so, had a long day?”

“No, I’ve been pretty bored actually. I like this bar though,” she responds, keeping to her own debased and gutteral dialogue. Leo raises an eyebrow, taking a moment to look contemplative as he denies his own inability in the same language, “I see…” He hesitates once more, the vowels and consonants tripping over his tongue. “Well, good luck with that. I’m sure you can manage to get yourself in some trouble.”

The woman laughs, changing quickly to the Amarrian language. “You need to practice.” A moment of thought as Leo sips on his drink. I order some tea and lean back, listening to the thrum of their conversation as it fitfully begins once again. “I don’t have much chance to speak it really,” Leopold replies, his accent sounding thickly Caldari as opposed to Minmatar. “Your accent is awful!” she says, clearly amused by the light peal of laughter spilling from her mouth. She switches back to Matari, babbling out some gutteral and vile insults before turning to Leo, attempting her approximation of a sweet smile.

Sipping my tea, I look at the Minmatar woman, speaking in clear Amarr. “Yes, child. But you need practice enunciating your verbs.”

“Ah, Lady Kielle, long time no see. Faring well, I hope?” Leo asks, obviously quite unamused by the torrent of vulgarity the woman had just directed his way. I sigh and shrug, already growing bored with this human interaction, “work, work, and more work with thanks to the recent Nation assaults.” Trying not to let my voice show my irritation. Leopold nods, a small flap of skin under his chin bagging and bunching as his jowls work, “I’ve been to Araz earlier today, managed to get a few shots off… it seemed like quiet a mess.”

The Matari rolls her eyes, turning to face me before opening her pie hole. “Perhaps you should have told that to my first holder, he taught me.” The Amarr gentleman – Loepold, that’s his name. Leopold smirks, muttering to himself in a barely audible volume. “Some dogs just have a hard time learning some tricks though…”

With a casual sip of my tea, I turn, looking at Leo. “How are you, dear?”

“Oh quite well milady, didn’t have so much work for the last few days, so any moment of rest is… welcome.” He replies then turns and looks back over at the Minmatar, “only a few mild annoyances here and there, but pretty well in tally.”

Glad of the interruption of my NeoComm screaming at me, I look at both and say, “I take you know one another by the way you’re so charming and lovely towards eachother.” Hopping off the bar, I walk to the office. “I’ve a call to make, I’m sure you kids can entertain yourselves.”

I sit at Bill’s desk and open up the terminal, loading my mail and read then re-read the DED notification.

A wardec, I ponder, bringing up the Corporation details. I send a few quick messages off, then step out the office, grumbling quietly to myself as I hop back to the usual perch.

”…A low sec entrepreneur would be a much more polite way to say it. As for my Cartel accomplices, it’s good to have friends in different places.” Leo was saying, obviously the Minmatar woman has brought up his recent change of employment.

They debate piracey and all forms of fun for a few moments until Bill walks in. Ah, my husband, I think, brewing some fresh tea, “hey, handsome.” I say, by way of greeting. “Hey,” he says with a nod and a smile, glancing around at the customers. I yawn, passing Bill a cup of tea.

”Is this the week of old friends or what?” Bill says, offering a polite nod towards Leo whom smiles and bows in response. “Well, well, long time no see. How are you doing, Mr. Bill? Also, congratulations…”

Bill nods, “I am well. But, congratulations to what, pray tell?” He lightly bows in return.

After Bill and Leo exchange meaningless pleasantries like the weather and business, the Minmatar woman finishes her drink and moves to the exit.

Leo turns towards her, “oh, got bored already?” The anger evident in her face, she turns and walks up to Leopold. Jabbing a finger into his chest, she says in a restrained voice, “don’t patronise me you vile, vile little man.”

With an upturned eyebrow, the Amarr gentle~ uh, Leo bursts into laughter. “Or what? You’ll launch more empty death threats at me?”

I blink, wondering what he has done to deserve such compliments as the simple-minded woman smirks, then moves to deliver a punch into Leo’s crotch.

With quite a bemused look, Bill turns to watch as a security drone swiftly moves in to taser the Matari. “Was that really necessary?” He asks. My shoulders rising and falling slightly, hoping she gets shocked again, “it was something alright,” I say. All the while poor Leo is holding his groin, hissing and grimacing in pain. After a moment of composure, he looks up and chuckles. “Well, well. You might as well keep digging…”

“I don’t tolerate violence in my establishment.” Bill says as he nudges the twitching and cursing woman with his foot. Leaning over the Minmatar woman, Leo smiles through his grimace, “you see, that is what I was telling you yesterday. You’re a savage, and will always be a threat to people around you. You will never change, you little Vherokior whore.”

She spits up at Leopold. “Go fuck yourself, leech.” Her voice filled with anger and confusion. With a sigh, Bill rubs his temples. “If you’re going to do this, can you at least take it outside?”

“Charming behaviour.” I comment.

As he wipes the spit off his robe with his hand, Leo leans closer to her, “you know what? I just might. That won’t change the fact that you’re still a wild animal, and that you don’t admit that to yourself. so keep lying to yourself, my dear. Maybe one day you’ll start believing it instead of going on a murderous rampage. Again.” As the Minmatar woman picks herself up, she bows at Bill. “Yes, Sir..” Spitting at Leo once more before moving to the exit.

”I find it hard to take anything she says seriously after seeing how randomly violent she could get. Even against someone who tried to set her free,” Bill sighs, his head shaking slowly.

”Pardon the little incident, Bill…” Leo says, obviously forgetting I’m there, so I remind him of my presence. “She seems charming,” I deadpan, William responding in kind. “Indeed”

Leopold clears his throat. “Yes. Anyway if you’ll excuse me, I should be getting going.” He bows lightly to us and heads for the exit. I bow gracefully then watch him go. After another cup of tea, we went home. Not really much use hanging around for nothing.

Puff, puff, pant

Posted in OOC Rampancy on January 18, 2011 by DosTuMai

Round, and round, and round… I gulp in some more air greedily, picking up a little more speed.

Stupid bicycle.  I select a lower gear, angling myself for a decent line up the next hill, “Where in the word ‘down-hill’ does it mention going up hills?” I ask the quickly receding back ahead of me, a laugh being the only response.

Peddle, peddle, lower gear… “Gah, forget it, may your hide be forever infested with lice, and your arms too short to scratch. Damn you to having stumpy, little T-rex arms.” Hopping off the self-propelled torture device, I slip and begin climbing up the steep incline, all the while expanding my vocabulary of insults under my breath.

“Hah! I’d like to know – honestly – if somewhere within your bloodline, an elder of your family procreated with a swine,” I grumble under my breath. “We’ve only gone 30km, stop bitching and get going.” He immediately sets of with my glower burning holes between his shoulderblades. Until I look around, no more hills, just flat land or down. excellent, I think, jumping on to my bike and look at the downward side of the hill, picking the best line.

With that I dive into the rest of the ride.

After parting ways with Ryan, a crazy person that demands cycling up stupid slopes instead of pushing or using something with an engine and cycling buddy, all I could think of was hot, steamy jets of water and a cup of cocoa. Mmmm, cocoa.

Mmmm, sausage

Posted in OOC Rampancy on January 14, 2011 by DosTuMai

Standing there cooking some food, one of the other residents comes over, “what are you cooking?” I turn, and look at the guy, answering with a slight shrug, “food, it’s right in front of you.”

He stuffs his face over the gravy and inhales deeply, probably dropping a few litre of snot into my nice food. “Oh, sausage. I can give you a sausage if you like.” He grins – or should that be leers? Ugh, I think, mind working quickly as a kernel of an idea forms, “I can cook a sausage for you, they’re German bratwurst.”

“Yeah, I bet you like a good sausage,” his vapid face pulling on a simpleton’s mask of lurid thought. I smile benignly and nod, feeling all too aware of my clothing, “if you come back in about 10 minutes, you can try my sausage.”

With that, he was gone. For all of 5 minutes, returning to use some of the worst chat-up lines I’ve heard in a while. I gave him a bratwurst and sat down at the table. With my most seductive smile, I began to lick and suck the sausage in a highly suggestive way. Once I was sure he had his attention on the sausage – not my breasts – I opened my maw and bit the thing in half, spitting it onto his lap.

His face was a picture. With my good deed of the day done, I left my food and went out to cook a curry around a friend’s.

I love being me.

Bored programming

Posted in General Ignorance on January 13, 2011 by DosTuMai

#include <time.h>

#include <stddef.h>

#include <iostream>

#include <string>

 

using namespace std;

 

int main(void) {

cout << “World domination — Program Loading” << endl;

for(long i=0;i<110000000;i++) {

if(i%10000000 == 0) {

cout << (i/1000000) << ” % complete…” << endl;

for(long j=0;j<10000*((long)rand());j++) {

j++;

for(long k=0;k<10000;k++) if(k==99) j–;

//Dos!

}

}

}

for(long i=0;i<(1+rand()%3)*100000000;i++) {

i++;

do {

i–;

}

while(false);

}

cout << “3 possible intruders detected:” << endl;

cout << ” Scanning intruder properties”;

for(long i=0;i<(1+rand()%3)*30000000;i++) {

i++;

do {

i–;

}

while(false);

}

cout << “.”;

for(long i=0;i<(1+rand()%3)*30000000;i++) {

i++;

do {

i–;

}

while(false);

}

cout << “.”;

for(long i=0;i<(1+rand()%3)*30000000;i++) {

i++;

do {

i–;

}

while(false);

}

cout << “.”;

for(long i=0;i<(1+rand()%3)*30000000;i++) {

i++;

do {

i–;

}

while(false);

}

cout << endl << “WARNING: weapons detected.” << endl << “Eliminate intruders? (Y/N) “;

string s;

cin >> s;

char c = s.at(0);

if(c==’n’ || c==’N’) {

cout << endl << “Terminating program — Please try our World Domination Express pack: only 100,000 ISK for a world of fun!” << endl;

return 0;

}

else if(c!=’y’ && c!=’Y’) {

cout << endl << “Error: incorrect answer.\n Extermination started.” << endl;

cout << c << endl;

return 0;

}

cout << “Intruders eliminated…” << endl;

cout << “Preparing Tachyon Anode Particle Stream I” << endl;

for(long i=0;i<(1+rand()%3)*20000000;i++) {

i++;

do {

i–;

}

while(false);

}

cout << “Targets selected:” << endl;

cout << ” *New Caldari” << endl;

cout << ” *Niyubainen” << endl;

cout << ” *Jita” << endl;

cout << ” *Tama” << endl;

cout << ” *Motsu” << endl;

cout << ” *Kaimon” << endl;

cout << ” *Usi” << endl;

cout << ” *Jeras” << endl << endl;

cout << “Pressing the red button…” << endl;

for(long i=0;i<(1+rand()%3)*30000000;i++) {

i++;

do {

i–;

}

while(false);

}

cout << “Error: buffer overflow. Extra target: ” << endl;

cout << ” *you” << endl;

cout << “You will be assimilated. Resitance is futile.” << endl;

cout << “ERROR: lost carrier.” << endl;

return 0;

}

Rawr, fishsticks

Posted in OOC Rampancy on January 12, 2011 by DosTuMai

Shopping, food. I need more noodles. Yup, oh and some cocoa and some coffee. Maybe get some Darjeeling, also.

Oh, I bought a new hat last week, too. Yup, it’s awesome and people keep trying to steal it. I have one thing to say to them; “DIS MAI HAT DEMMIT.”

So, anyway. I went out, hatless and hair flapping freely in the breeze to the supermarket and with a trolley – shopping cart to you crazy American types – I proceeded to casually toss the necessary stuff in. My phone rang, “ohai. Yes, yes, no, uh huh. Oki, wah? Ohhh, yah. Right, not possible. I’m in England. Hmm, yah, zaijian,” an ex decided it was a good time to make the peace and offer to give my old PC back. As I picked up a box of fish fingers and put my phone in my pocket, I hear someone clear their throat behind me. “Excuse me, ma’am, could you come with me?”

I turn and see a security guard looking at me sternly, “uhhhh, sure but I have ice-cream in the trolley and if it melts, my pet banana wont be too happy. Can I halp you with anything?” His face went from grrr to shock to confusion in a blink of an eye. “Sorry, your pet what?”

“Oh, I’d mention Fluffy and the fedo I keep in the compost bin, but Sir Stickly – that’s my pet banana, keep up, dear – well, Sir Stickly would be very upset his Ben & Jerries Phish Phood melted. So, can I halp with anything or are you going to stare at me in bewildered bemusement all day?” He blinked, going a slightly pale shade, his hands idling beside the can of pepper spray on his belt, “I have reason to suspect you may have stolen goods on you,” he says. As I stand there blinking, another security guard comes over – a female officer.

“Does that mean I have to be cavity searched?” I ask, looking at the female guard and winking. She blanches slightly and I shrug, “I can empty my pockets here, but the only incriminating evidence you’ll find are the nicorette gum and cigarettes in my purse.”

After a few moments of the security people rifling through my pockets and other items, they apologise, saying someone matching my description was caught stealing from other stores in the town. That’s the last time I go out wearing slouching clothes because people mistake me for a chav. =|

Beginings and endings

Posted in In-char on January 11, 2011 by DosTuMai

I land my shuttle and head to the estate, glancing around at the opulent surroundings. As I get closer, more guards are visible. Heh, secure, I think as I hand over my small collection of firearms.

Grabbing a passing servant upon entry, I look him up and down. “Take me to the Lady of the house,” I say, his eyes studying me. “Mistress Deritan is upstairs, please come with me, ma’am.” I Follow the servant through the house then knock at the door he indicated.

“Come in,” a familiar voice says, inviting me in. Stepping through the door and glancing around, I bow stiffly to Ithiria, the mirror-like black leather of my boots creaking slightly at the motion.

Ithiria blinks and smiles, “hello Dossie, please, do come in and join us. We were just talking… though I was more just waking up.” Korinne, led in the bed with Ithi turns her head, looking at me. I sigh, shaking my head slowly, “no, but thanks. We need to talk.”

”Is this a private matter or can Kori be present?” She asks. I respond with a slight shrug, trying to come up with the right words. Finally, “I can’t be your pet any more,” a small part of me screaming with those words. Ithi nods, “I figured, but explain why?”

As if it isn’t obvious, I think, “Bill and I got married two days ago, and I’m pregnant with his child. The stress of you suddenly leaving again could endanger the unborn child.” I sigh, a small amount of emotion creeping into my voice, “that and I can’t submit myself fully to you as I once did…”

Incredulous, Ithiria blinks. Her face paling slightly as she absorbs the information. “You and bill got married?” She smiles, recovering herself a little, “congrats. And a baby as well, I’ll have to speak with him about lying, but congrats again.” Moments of trivial conversation pass before she says, “but you know I am going to have to ask something as your ex-mistress and hope it is followed.” I tilt my head in curiosity, unsure of what she was expecting. “What would that be?” I ask finally.

“Stay out of the pods. You’re pregnant now, you should not be flying. Too many people around Bill have been podded while pregnant, don’t put him through that again.” I nod, not allowing any of the surprise to show on my face, “the only vessels I’ve been flying are my Interceptors to get places quickly,” I lie smoothly, knowing that in a few hours I’d be risking my life to steal a ship, “I wont endanger the child.”

Smiling, Ithi changes the pitch of her voice to something lighter, “good, I still love him; even if as a friend or brother, and I don’t want to see that pain in him again, but thank you Dossie”

Korinne moves slightly as I watch her from the corner of the eye, “I wont hurt him.” Glancing directly at Korinne, I nod then bow again, “I’ll leave you to waking up, blessed be.”

Ithiria sighs, whispering something softly to herself as I leave the room. Picking up my small collection of weapons at the entrance, leaving the estate behind. In shuttle, I sit for a moment, breathing slowly as I start the pre-flight checks.

The small vessel takes off and soars into the Heavens, the view-screen watching the planet recede into the past, leaving with it a little part of my soul.