Mmmm, sausage

Standing there cooking some food, one of the other residents comes over, “what are you cooking?” I turn, and look at the guy, answering with a slight shrug, “food, it’s right in front of you.”

He stuffs his face over the gravy and inhales deeply, probably dropping a few litre of snot into my nice food. “Oh, sausage. I can give you a sausage if you like.” He grins – or should that be leers? Ugh, I think, mind working quickly as a kernel of an idea forms, “I can cook a sausage for you, they’re German bratwurst.”

“Yeah, I bet you like a good sausage,” his vapid face pulling on a simpleton’s mask of lurid thought. I smile benignly and nod, feeling all too aware of my clothing, “if you come back in about 10 minutes, you can try my sausage.”

With that, he was gone. For all of 5 minutes, returning to use some of the worst chat-up lines I’ve heard in a while. I gave him a bratwurst and sat down at the table. With my most seductive smile, I began to lick and suck the sausage in a highly suggestive way. Once I was sure he had his attention on the sausage – not my breasts – I opened my maw and bit the thing in half, spitting it onto his lap.

His face was a picture. With my good deed of the day done, I left my food and went out to cook a curry around a friend’s.

I love being me.

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